Friday, May 15, 2015

The Moment I Lost my Faith in Humanity

I can't take it anymore. Seriously. Abuse, rape, neglect, murder. Everyday when I scroll through my Facebook newsfeed or turn on the TV I see stories of children who are dying and suffering. Every fucking day.

Utah toddler who died from
injuries sustained during a
potty training incident.
(Credit: KSTU)

We've got dentists torturing children; we've got kids dying in cars because their parents forget to drop them off at daycare; we've got toddlers being beaten to death because they poop in their diapers; and we've got mothers murdering their children and stuffing them in freezers. That doesn't even go into the children who are raped by the people they are supposed to be able to trust; family members, neighbors, teachers and clergymen.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

Howard Schneider; Jacksonville pediatric
dentist accused of torturing his patients.
(Photo: WTLV-TV/WJXX-TV, Jacksonville, Fla.)

Everyone says we should "pray for the victims and their families". Pray to whom exactly? Half the time the perpetrators are the families. And who exactly are we praying to? A god who allows these atrocities to take place to begin with?

My dad and I were talking recently about all the nonsensical things that happen to good people. Illnesses and diseases, abuse, murder and more. We were discussing the "everything happens for a reason" theory and how some people believe that things happen to teach the rest of us some sort of life lesson.

I have thought about it for hours, trying to figure out what raping a child could possibly teach me other than the fact that some people are awful, evil beings. 

How about a pediatric dentist torturing his patients as his staff stand by watching and assisting? Is that meant to teach children to be fearful of dentists or others who are supposed to be trusted? Or is it to teach us parents not to assume those who claim their passion and life's work is helping children are telling the truth? Why do babies have to be mentally scarred for the rest of their lives for that?

The only lesson I can gain from a child being left in a scorching hot car all day is not to leave a child in a scorching hot car all day. It shouldn't take a child's life to help me figure that one out. 

What am I supposed to learn from parents beating a toddler to death for pooping in his diaper? Not to beat my toddler to death for shitting his pants? Or is it meant as a lesson to toddlers all over the world to crap in the potty and not their underwear?

When a woman tortures her children and kills them, and then has her surviving children stuff them in a deep freezer, what is that meant to show us? Don't stuff kids in a freezer because you'll get caught?

Why do all those innocent babies have to be subjected to those levels of stupidity, selfishness and vileness? And worse, at the hands of people they love and trust, or are supposed to be able to love and trust.

Yesterday I was driving my kids to school and one of them mentioned a friend who has a phone that she can actually make calls on. Our kids have old used iPhones from family members who have upgraded to newer ones that they use basically as iPods. They can iMessage and FaceTime other Apple users and can connect to WiFi to play games. They're always on our case about getting phones that can actually make calls.

I explained that someone will always have more than them, or something they want. I also told them that there will always be people less fortunate than them. That there are children whose only meals are the ones they get at school, and that there are children who have no homes or parents who love them. I told them that if I could, I would adopt as many of those children as I could. That I would love them and nurture them, feed and clothe them, and show them that there is good in the world and that they are worthy of love.

I didn't get into all the horrific things some children are subjected to. My kids are only eight and nine, they will learn all about those things soon enough. I wish they never had to hear stories about evil dentists or sadistic parents.

How am I supposed to explain to them why those things happen when I can't even explain it to myself? It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. 

It was last night while I was telling hubs about the conversation I had with the kids that the story about the boy defecating in his diaper popped up. It was at that exact moment that I officially lost my faith in humanity. 

I don't know why that particular story did it. It certainly wasn't the first tragic child abuse story I'd read about. Maybe it was the picture of that little boy, his angelic face, blonde hair and big brown eyes looking at me as if to say "what did I do wrong?"

Some people will tell me that I need to "keep the faith", "not let the devil in". Screw that. If there is a devil, he is already in. He is everywhere. This isn't a matter of god versus the devil, this is plain old good versus evil.

So what are we going to do about it? How are we, as a community of good, going to fight this evil?

We've put man on the moon and grown a baby from a test tube. Surely we can come up with some sort of test at birth that shows where or not we have evil genes. Test positive? Sterilization, right then and there, before you even leave the hospital.

How about a family history check? "Oh, Uncle Ted didn't turn out to be a very nice man. No children for you."

Too drastic? OK, how about we stop letting child rapists, abusers, and molesters out of prison? Rehabilitation my ass. How many times do we hear about these sickos getting out of prison, only to turn around and do the exact same fucking thing again?

Rape a kid? Chemical castration. Beat and abuse a child? They should get the same as punishment.

I know, I know, we aren't supposed to go by the "eye for an eye" thing. We're supposed to let the law and judicial system take control of these matters and not seek vendettas or personal retribution. 

Well let me tell you something; our judicial system fails us time and time again. Letting rapists walk free, placing children in foster homes where they endure worse abuse and neglect than where they came from. Don't even get me started on the state of our mental health department, or lack thereof. 

I wish I could tell you I had some amazing plan that would change the world and keep our babies safe, but I don't. I don't know what the answer is or how to make this world a better, safer place.

All I know is that I have no more faith in humanity. 

Don't get me wrong, I can still appreciate the beautiful things; love my children with my entire being; hope that I can raise them to be good, loving, yet strong and independent people.

The rest of the world, however, I have no faith in it and won't until we start to see some change.


  1. I don't have any answers, and what you are saying has been on my mind, too.
    Recently heard about a young woman who was hiding her pregnancy, went to the bathroom to give birth, killed her baby boy and went back to work. I don't get it. 2015, people feel they have no other choice? What the f*** is wrong with people?

    1. There are safe places for children, where you can drop them off, no questions asked, yet somehow killing or abandoning them seems like the better choice? Granted, I have never been in that situation, but I can't imagine ever feeling like that was the better option. So sad.