Friday, April 3, 2015

Are Flowers Just Flowers?

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week, 15 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.


Secret Subject Swap

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                             Baking In A Tornado
http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com                       The Bergham’s Life Chronicles
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com                          Spatulas on Parade  
http://dinoheromommy.com                                           Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://themomisodes.com                                                The Momisodes
http://morethancheeseandbeer.blogspot.com              More Than Cheese and Beer
http://www.southernbellecharm.com                             Southern Belle Charm
http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch                                 Confessions of a Part-Time Working Mom
http://thelieberfamily.com                                                The Lieber Family
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                            Someone Else’s Genius
http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com                             Climaxed
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com                     Stacy Sews and Schools
http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com                                      Sparkly Poetic Weirdo
http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                         Searching for Sanity

My subject is “Are flowers just flowers?". It was submitted by Confessions of a Part-Time Working Mom. http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch

Here goes:

Are flowers just flowers or is there some deeper, hidden meaning behind them? When I was younger I loved to get flowers. I didn't even care who they were from. As I grew older getting flowers from a boyfriend was the ultimate excitement. Birthday, anniversary, just because. It didn't matter, I was a sucker for flowers.

Then one day, I can't remember where, I heard that if a man sends a woman flowers for no reason it means he feels guilty about something or is apologizing for something he's done. Well isn't that great. There went the romance of flower giving. 



After my first marriage ended I found out that he had been unfaithful to me for the first two and a half years of our relationship. Basically until about four months before our wedding. I immediately started thinking back to all the warning signs there had been that, at the time, I just didn't notice or seemed innocent enough. Looking back it was so obvious.

I don't like to admit this, but he really screwed me up. He told me about the affair (yes, just one, long affair with his ex) after he had moved out and we were separated. There was no need for him to have told me about it, we were already over. He claims it was because if we had any chance of getting back together he couldn't go on living with the secret. Well, not that there was before, but there was definitely no chance of us getting back together after hearing that. I was hurt and angry but most of all I was embarrassed. I felt like he had made a complete fool out of me. The only good that came out of him sharing that was the weight lifted off his conscience. He felt better having unloaded that terrible secret he had been hiding all that time.

After we separated I slowly started dating again. I reconnected with a childhood boyfriend who lived 4,000 miles away form me. We went on two amazing vacations to Brazil and Hong Kong, he came here a couple of times to visit. We started trying to figure out ways for him to be able to move here. It was amazing for a long time, but whenever he sent me flowers, I couldn't help but wonder why. After we broke up, I dated a little here and there before I met my now-husband. 

The first time hubs came over to have dinner at my house he brought me a single rose. My initial instinct was to wonder why. What had he done, what was he apologizing for? Then I realized we had only just started dating and hadn't even had the "will you be my boyfriend/girlfriend" conversation yet. It was a sweet gesture, that is all.

With all that being said, here are the top five reasons I think a man sends a woman flowers;

1) He loves her and wants to show her he appreciates her.
2) He cheated and feels guilty.
3) He loves her and wants to brighten her day for no specific reason.
4) He lied about something and feels guilty.
5) He loves her and feels like he doesn't tell her often enough and wants to surprise her with something nice.

I don't think every man sends their woman flowers out of guilt. Do some? Sure they do. Are there some total shit bags out there who run around doing whatever they want while you're picking out color schemes and cakes for your wedding? Yep, there are. Do they send flowers because they feel guilty? Maybe. Maybe they take you out to extravagant dinners or buy you jewelry instead.

Are there men out there who buy their women flowers simply because they love her? Yes there are. Just as there are men who take their women out to dinner and buy them jewelry when it isn't their birthday or anniversary. If my husband were to send me flowers today would I think it was because he felt guilty about something? No, I wouldn't. There was a time where I would have. After all, my first husband scarred me deeply and it took a long time to recover from. Not because I was still in love with him, but because I had difficulty accepting that it wasn't because of me that he cheated, it was because of him. It wasn't anything I had done or not done, it was because of his own immaturity and insecurities that he did that. Hubs and I have been together long enough that I have been able to work through a lot of my own insecurities, making me much more comfortable with myself and in my relationship.

Does my mind ever wander to the what if? Of course it does. I may have come a long way since my first marriage, but I am still human. But if he sends me flowers on a whim, for no apparent reason, I'm not going to question why or dissect what it could possibly mean. I know what it means. It means he loves me and wants to show me he appreciates me, or he want to brighten my day for no specific reason, or doesn't feel like he tells me he loves me often enough. 

Flowers always have a hidden meaning, but it isn't always a bad one.

20 comments:

  1. Oh man, I feel like I dropped a brick with this prompt.

    I'm so sorry you had to experience such a deception.

    I wonder how cheating guys feel after they've sent flowers, and their girlfriend / wive is thrilled about the bouquet? Doesn't that make them feel even guiltier? Not that this is our problem. Just wondering.

    Glad you met someone to trust again :-)

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    1. No! Don't feel that way! It really made me think about it and it is always so therapeutic for me to write about these things. I think it was a great prompt!

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  2. I don't often get flowers from men. They just dont' make me happy. But I love to buy them for myself. It means I'm feeling good.

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    1. I love that! I sometimes buy them too. I love having fresh flowers in the house!

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  3. I like how, in your 5 reasons men give flowers 2 are bad and 3 are good. Yay, good wins over evil. And that's exactly what happened to you. Your ex ruined flowers for you, but your Hubs restored their beauty and meaning.

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    1. Exactly! Ex and I are in good terms now. I still find myself questioning why he did it and then I look at all the good that has come from it (hubs, his 2 kids and our little one together) and I know that I'm right where I'm supposed to be and happy again!

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  4. There can always be bad connotations to anything and everything but that does not negate the good connotations as well. 🌸🌹🌷

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  5. Thank you for sharing. I too had a bad marriage and found out that my ex cheated, not just once, but dozens maybe even hundreds of times in 25 years. He never sent me flowers except twice. Both had hidden meaning, his guilt. I never liked flowers and thought they were a total waste of money. NOW I love flowers and see them as what they are, flowers. A sweet gesture, so when I started seeing my now wonderful man and he showed up at the first date with flowers I was all giddy. Why? Because like you said, they were just a sweet gesture.
    Spatulas On Parade

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    1. I'm so glad you found happiness again. It is devastating to find out the one you loved and trusted had been unfaithful. But isn't it amazing when you find a good one again!? ;)

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  6. There's a guy in my office who buys them for his wife once a week. It's sweet as can be.

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  7. I made a comment once at the very beginning of our relationship that I thought cut flowers were kind of a waste of money. My husband has not brought me any since then! He does buy potted flowers on occasion, but I'm too good at killing those. :)

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    1. Haha! I have made it clear I don't want flowers in Valentine's Day. I think they are totally overpriced. He can buy them for my birthday 3 days later. ;)

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  8. I've never really given a lot of thought to the message behind the flowers, but then I've never been given lots of bunches of flowers by guys. One boyfriend refused to buy them for me because they die too quickly, and he didn't want to give me such a temporary gift. I think it was just a cop-out so he didn't have to pay the ridiculous amount that bunches of flowers cost down here, but that's my suspicions at play too I suspect. Well done with this post, you did a beautiful job.

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    1. Thank you :) I had never really thought too in depth about it either until I got this prompt. I guess some guys just aren't flower giving guys.

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  9. what a great prompt and post! Hubby overdid flowers when we were younger, I prefer small acts than flowers.

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    1. Thank you! I agree, it is the small everyday things that are more special than things like flowers. But I still like presents. ;)

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  10. I know I'm a minority, but I don't like flowers or jewelry or fancy dinners.

    I'm sorry for all the hurt you had to go through.

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    1. Thank you. I think the gesture is nice if done for the right reasons. But the everyday stuff like helping around the house or cleaning up after dinner is even better. ;)

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