Wednesday, March 18, 2015

What I Think When My Husband Sees Me Naked Vs. What He Thinks

I have never had a particularly good self image and wasn't blessed with an extremely high confidence level. I often wonder what my husband thinks when he sees me naked these days. Since we met we have had a baby and, while not my first, my body is definitely not what it was in the beginning of our relationship. I don't walk around naked or in my underwear anymore. I hate wearing bathing suits. I go into the closet or the bathroom to change or I do a mystical magical trick of changing under the clothes I am already in, pulling my bra out of my sleeves.

I've lost all the baby weight, and then some, but things just don't sit where they used to. Despite all that, the other day I gathered enough confidence to suggest showering together again because I feel like we need to spice things up a little. Then I come across a couple of pictures from four years earlier when I did a sexy photoshoot for him.

Ummm...never mind about that shower...



These days I feel more like this...




I know my opinion of myself is not his opinion of me, and I know I am my own worst critic and that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I know that. But I can't get out of my own head. I look at myself and think there is no way in hell he could be attracted to me the way I look now. Physically I'm just not the same person I was when he met and fell in love with me.

I also know that most guys are happy to just get a glimpse of a boob, or butt, and that's why this is what I think goes though our heads when he accidentally sees me naked:


1) Hubs walks in while I'm about to put my bra on in the closet with the door cracked open.

Me, while holding my boobs up, then dropping them, squinting at them out of one eye: "Oh god...do you think he saw my boobs? They're so saggy now. I hope he didn't see them, they aren't in the least bit attractive anymore. Maybe I should get a boob job..."

Hubs: "I just saw her boobs. Sweet!"

2) Hubs walks past the bathroom just after I finish drying off from my shower. I'm attempting to put my pajamas on under my towel when the towel drops and flashes my butt.

Me (while scrambling to pull my pants up and pick up my towel at the same time but looking more like Elaine from Seinfeld dancing): "Shit! I wonder if he saw my butt! Oh, god, my butt is so gross. It's all jiggly and bumpy. It wiggles when I walk. I really need to start working out again. I hope he didn't see it. Shit!" 

Hubs: "I just saw her butt. Sweet!"

3) I text hubs from the bathtub (yes, I take my phone in the bath with me), to bring me a towel because I forgot one.

Me (realizing there are no bubbles in the tub and he can see EVERYTHING): "Oh good god...he just saw EVERYTHING! Does water make you look slimmer? Maybe everything looked smooth because I'm lying down. But shit, my boobs are sagging either side of me. Wow, I really need to take care of the landscaping. Shit! Shit! Shit!"

Hubs: "I just saw EVERYTHING. SWEET!"


So, there you have it. Maybe I should lighten up a bit, go easier on myself or quit my bitching and actually do something about it rather than try to hide all the time...easier said than done.

How about you...are you confident and comfortable naked around your significant other?