My impatience isn't limited to myself; it applies to everyone and everything in my life, including my children. According to numerous articles I have seen floating around the internet lately, "hurry up" and "because I said so" are two of many phrases we shouldn't say to our offspring. How else am I supposed to tell those
I don't only lose my shiz when we are trying to leave the house. I catch myself snapping at my kids when we are at home, at the park, at my parent's house. Sometimes they are interrupting my blogging time. Sometimes I have been running all day and want to sit in peace for five minutes. Sometimes they are driving me crazy for no apparent reason. Sometimes they won't shut up!
I see all those other mothers, so soft-spoken and placid. Meanwhile, I'm over here trying so hard to be phlegmatic, yet I end up frustrating myself to the point of explosion - ironic, right? How do they do it? How do those mamas keep their cool, when I'm hanging on to my sanity by a thread? Are they fine with their little ones running like wild banshees through the house? Do they really enjoy listening to the rehashing of every scene in a movie the little buggers just watched? Does the incessant bickering back-and-forth over everything really not phase them?
I try to remind myself they are children, they don't know any better. My undeserved wrath is a result of me getting a crappy night's sleep, stressing about bills or letting a whining baby get the better of me. Sometimes I recognize what is about to happen moments before it does. Other times I just feel like shit for making them feel bad when I see "that look" roll across their faces. You know the look. The "I'm not sure what I did but it must have been bad because Mommy is really mad at me" look. God that kills me every single time. I instantly try to make it up to them, backpedaling my way out of the hole I just threw myself in, head-first.
I wonder if those other mothers, the tolerant, tranquil ones, ever see that look. I doubt it. They don't snap at their children like I do. They have probably never wished they could eat their words as soon as they fly out of their mouths. Those "perfect moms" have the patience that I lack. I try and try to be more stoic, but my impatience always gets the better of me. For now, I will have to consider myself a "work in progress" and do the best I can.
We can't all be perfect, right?