Wednesday, April 30, 2014

100 Happy Days - Week 8

Each week, on Wednesday, I will open up a new blog post with my previous 7 days of happy. At the bottom you will have the opportunity to link up your blog post. Click on the "InLinkz Link-Up" button to share your blog post. 


Silence of the Mom


Don't forget to grab my 100 Happy Days button to paste into your blog post!

Day 50 - My goofy kid!


Day 51 - The baby exploring outside.


Day 52 - Family fun-day at the pool!


Day 53 - Spending time with my daughter.
Even if it is Rainbow Looming!


Day 54 - Lunch with my girls!


Day 55 - Dinner outside with my Dad who
is visiting from Tennessee.


 Day 56 - Snacks at a local park that we
are trying to save from being sold to a
developer who wants to put up a strip-mall.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Funny Friday - April

Funny Friday

Today’s post is the first of what will be a monthly feature here. It’s called Funny Friday and is a collaborative project that I’ll post on the last Friday of every month. Each month one of the participants submits a picture, then we all write 5 captions or thoughts inspired by that month’s picture. Links to the other bloggers’ posts are below, click on them and see what they’ve come up with. I hope we bring a smile to your face as you start your weekend.



Funny Friday Graphic.jpg


Here’s today’s picture. It was submitted by Confessions of a part-time working mom (http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch).


1- Confessions of a part-time working mom.jpg

1. Shark Week!


2. Oh shit!


3. "What IS that?" 8 year-old daughter.


4. "I got nothing." When I asked my son to tell me the first thing that popped into his head when he looked at the picture.


5. Fuck it, we're ordering Chinese.



Click on the links below and let some other bloggers make you smile:


Baking In A Tornado (http://www.BakingInATornado.com)
Someone Else’s Genius (http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com)
Confessions of a part-time working mom (http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch)
The Momisodes (http://themomisodes.com)
Sanity Waiting to Happen (http://sanitywaitingtohappen.blogspot.com)
On the Alberta/Montana Border (http://dlt-lifeontheranch.blogspot.ca)
Cluttered Genius (http://www.clutteredgenius.com)

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

100 Happy Days - Week 7

Each week, on Wednesday, I will open up a new blog post with my previous 7 days of happy. At the bottom you will have the opportunity to link up your blog post. Click on the "InLinkz Link-Up" button to share your blog post. This is a great way to get some exposure and discover some new blogs that might pique your interest.

Silence of the Mom


Part of the success of any link-up is participation from everyone who links up. I hope you will take time to read through some, if not all of the other posts, but I ask that you please read at least the post before your own and leave a comment for them. Don't forget to grab my 100 Happy Days button to paste into your blog post!


Day 43 - My little snuggle-bug. I wish I could
crawl in there with her!

Day 44 - My first attempt at a Pineapple 
Upside-Down cake. I intentionally left off some 
cherries because the hubs doesn't like them. 
Heathen!

Day 45 - Snuggles with bubby 
after our scary trip to the ER!

Day 46 - A big, bubbly pot of homemade chili!

 Day 47 - Peekaboo! Easter fun!

 
Day 48 - Watching the baby grow and explore.
Yes, she's INSIDE the entertainment center!

Day 49 - My goofy daughter coming out of the
bathroom after her shower wearing this mask!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Do You Weed Your Garden?



A couple days ago my mother had a particularly bad shopping experience with my 7 and 8-year-old terrorists at Fresh Market. They were being so unruly she threatened to never take them shopping with her again. My mother is usually much more tolerant of their antics than I am, so I knew they had been bad.

When I arrived at the folk's house to pick the kids up they were in the kitchen quietly reading, looking like little angels. I was informed they had been racing shopping carts, complete with sound effects and wheelies, and continued to do so after being told numerous times to stop. Add to that the constant bickering that has been going on lately and it's no wonder my mother was at her wit's end.

I asked the usual questions; "Was that appropriate? Did they not want to be allowed to go shopping with grandma anymore? What made them decide they didn't have to listen? Did they want me to sell them on eBay?" OK, maybe not the last one. My step-dad looked up from his book and said; "You had better weed your garden well tonight." Growing up in his house, I had heard that statement numerous times, but I could tell by the looks on the children's faces that they had no idea what he meant.


On the way home I explained what it meant to weed your garden.

Me: "When you weed a garden, what do you do?"
7 yo: "You pull the weeds out of the plants."
Me: "Why do you do that?"
8 yo: "Because you don't want weeds in your plants. They are bad and can overrun the plants you really want there."
Me: "When you lie your head down on your pillow at night, you must always think about your day and decide if you were the best person you could be. All the good parts are the plants you want to grow and the weeds are things you could have done better. Did you treat others with kindness and respect? Did you try your hardest at whatever you were doing? Were you a good listener? If there are any parts of your day that you think you could have handled better, you make a note of them and tell yourself you will try harder tomorrow."

Every day we are faced with decisions, from what to have for breakfast to how to handle the kids when they are misbehaving. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't lose my patience at least a zillion times. While I may not always be able to stop myself in the moment, each evening I have the opportunity to take an honest look at my day and what I could have done differently.

Weeding your garden doesn't stop when you become an adult; it becomes even more important. As grow-ups we have to set the best example we can for our kids. That doesn't mean we won't have moments where we show our asses, but recognizing it and making an effort to do better helps us continue to grow. I reflect on how I handled the rowdy kids at the grocery store when I lie down a night. I pluck the weeds of my day and water the plants I am proud of in hopes becoming a better person and a better example for my kids.

How about you, do you weed your garden?

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Sometimes You Have To Let Yourself Cry...And Breathe

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was full of grandiose ideas about what I was going to let him or her do, eat, play with etc. No pacifiers, no TV, no co-sleeping, not bottles/formula. My head had been filled with all these ideals from my mother telling me what she did and didn't do, to Johnson and Johnson's commercials with happy, gurgling babies drifting off to a peaceful slumber after a bath in lavender baby wash.

After my daughter was born I stuck by some of the things I had decided not to let happen, such as not using a pacifier, not letting people stick their fingers in her mouth, not letting her sleep in bed with me (apart from those times I fell asleep nursing her in bed in the middle of the night because I was too tired to drag my ass to her nursery and sit in the rocker.) Don't get me wrong, when she was in the midst of a screaming fit I contemplated taping a paci to her for five minutes of peace, but didn't. Things definitely changed after the birth of my son.

I let my son have a pacifier from the moment he popped out until he was 3 years old. I don't know if that is too old to have a pacifier, some say yes, some say no, but I don't care. When I had to get his sister to bed - she was 14 1/2 months when he was born - that pacifier came in mighty handy. I still didn't let anyone stick their fingers in his mouth, but I did let him sleep with me. Not all the time, but often. Sleep seemed so much more necessary with 2 babies in the house - I could just about get by on no sleep with 1, but not with 2. I remember one particularly bad day when I almost lost it, whatever "it" is. 

After my son was born my ex and I sold his car in an effort to save money by getting rid of the monthly payment. We were trying to make it work with me staying home as long as possible. This was a good idea in theory, but it meant I was house-bound with two young children. One bad day at home I wished I could have gotten into a car, or on a bicycle, or a rocket ship and gotten the hell out of there. My 6-month-old son was teething and cranky. My 20-month-old daughter was extremely clingy and whiny. I hadn't showered in at least 2 days and was surviving mainly on coffee and my daughter's leftovers. I was stressed about how we were going to pay rent, and the electric bill and for groceries. And Finding Nemo wasn't entertaining anyone anymore.

After finally managing to get both children down for a nap I sat in the middle of the living room and cried. I'm not talking about a little sniffle, I'm talking body shaking, free flowing tears and snot, hardly able to catch my breath crying. If I hadn't been so utterly exhausted I would have run away. Far, far away. I couldn't take it anymore. I was broken, I was alone. Eventually I cried myself to sleep, right there in the middle of the living room on the hard, cheap, itchy carpet.


After 2 hours something jolted me out of my slumber. I listed for the children but all was still quiet. I picked myself up, went in to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I peeled off my dirty pajamas, stepped in and let the hot water rush all over me. I washed away the snot and tears from my face and the 2 days-worth of grime from the rest of my aching body. Once I was clean I stood there, until the water went cold, before getting out and drying off. I had just managed to get myself dressed when I heard my daughter making noises through the monitor. When I walked into her room I was met with her big, beautiful smile and shining eyes. I sat with her for a few minutes before taking her into the kitchen and putting her in her highchair with a drink and a snack. Right at that moment my son woke up and I could hear him babbling and cooing. I picked him up out of his crib and sat in the rocker with him, hugging and kissing him and breathing in his delicious baby smell.

As I sat with my baby boy, I realized all the rules I had set for myself about what I was going to let my children do, eat, play with etc, was doing nothing but hurt me. So what if I had to put Finding Nemo on for gazillionth time just so I could switch out a load of laundry? So what if I had to give my son a pacifier so he would sit quietly in his bouncy chair in the bathroom so I could shower? So what if I had to nap with both children in bed with me just to get some sleep? My sanity was more important for raising two healthy, happy children than not allowing them to watch TV from time-to-time.

It was at that moment that I decided I would let myself breath, relax and enjoy my growing family instead of stifling us with inane rules and regulations. I was going to let my kids be kids and let myself breathe.

MoreThanCheeseandBeer

Make sure to stop by More Than Cheese and Beer to check out some other Sunday Confessions.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

100 Happy Days - Week 6


Silence of the Mom


Each week, on Wednesday, I will open up a new blog post with my previous 7 days of happy. At the bottom you will have the opportunity to link up your blog post. Click on the "InLinkz Link-Up" button to share your blog post. This is a great way to get some exposure and discover some new blogs that might pique your interest.

Part of the success of any link-up is participation from everyone who links up. I hope you will take time to read through some, if not all of the other posts, but I ask that you please read at least the post before your own and leave a comment for them. Don't forget to grab my 100 Happy Days button to paste into your blog post!

Most of all, have fun!


**Note about this week's pictures: I screwed up the numbering. They should go from Day 36 - 42. I'm too lazy to go back through and change them all. I will resume at the correct number in next week's post!**



Day 34 - Seeing the artwork 
my kids do at school!


Day 35 - Watching the baby try to 
figure out the walking thing!


Day 36 - Donuts. With Peeps!


Day 37 - Fun at the park with the kiddos!


Day 38 - Beautiful Florida spring day!


 Day 39 - Knowing that I didn't have 
to deal with the lice on these girls. 
(Hubs had to handle it out of town!)


Day 40 - Leaving this note in the hubs'
lunchbox after he told me he said to one
of his coworkers the other day "that bitch
didn't put cheese on my sandwich"!
(We were out of cheese when I made his
lunch that day.)

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Sunday Confessions - Lessons

MoreThanCheeseandBeer

We made it through another week which means it is time once again for More Than Cheese and Beer's Sunday Confessions. This week's topic is "lessons". With kids in the house I am learning more and more each day that there is no such thing as "typical". No two days are the same. Even with the usual school schedules, extra curricular activities, dinner and bedtime routines, the spaces in between those are never the same.

This past week was particularly challenging for our household. It started on Tuesday when I discovered that my 7 and 8 year-old children had lice. Yep, those nasty little critters that lay eggs on one's hair and suck blood from one's scalp. I was disgusted with the idea that my children (and possibly me) had things living on them, hitching a ride and using them as a free meal ticket. I learned a lot more about those creatures than I ever cared to know while researching how to treat and prevent them. 

The most interesting thing I learned was that the original gold Listerine mouthwash was the most effective way of killing the little bastards (the lice, not my kids). The over-the-counter shampoo didn't kill anything so don't bother wasting your money or time on those. Drench the hair in Listerine, wrap it in plastic and leave it for at least an hour. When you rinse it out and comb through it every last sucker will be dead. Also, to help prevent them, use shampoo and conditioner with tee tree oil in it. They hate that stuff.

Me and the 8 year-old soaking our heads in Listerine.

My second lesson of the week was that even if one has a case on one's iPhone, it is possible to shatter it to smithereens. Last week my phone, which was case-less, flew out of my hand as I tried to pull it out of my purse and landed face-down on the kitchen tile. The screen shattered and I had to put clear packing tape over it to hold the shards of glass in place, but I was still able to use it. Thursday night the hubs replaced the screen - YAY! Friday I was letting the dogs out and it slipped out of my hand, with a case on, and landed face-down in a hole on of the pavers. This time I shattered it so badly I can't even use it. So the hubs has ordered yet another screen to fix it and has banned me from using my phone unless I am sitting down on big fluffy pillows!

 

Let's move on to the kids. One lesson that my fabulous children never seem to fully grasp, no matter how many times we go through it, is getting their shit together during the school-morning routine. They are nearing the end of 2nd and 3rd grade and they still don't realize that if they would just get up, get dressed, eat breakfast and brush their teeth before they do anything else, our mornings would be so much more peaceful. Instead, they're wrestling imaginary alligators, playing with the 13 month-old and singing to themselves in the bathroom mirror. All this is successful in doing is aggravating the hell out of me and causing an unnecessary rise in my blood pressure. Almost every morning I lose my shiz at one, or both of them. How many times do I have to tell them to put their effing shoes on before they figure it out and do it the first time?


Life is always throwing curve balls at us. From lice, to broken phones, to kids who won't listen. The old saying "you learn something new everyday if you pay attention" is so true. Sometimes you don't even have to pay that much attention, the lesson just jumps up and bites you on the ass (or the head).

What lessons did you learn today?

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Not the Dreaded L-Word!

If you follow my Facebook page you know that the beginning of this week was challenging to say the least. Tuesday morning my 7 and 8 year-old children woke up with itchy heads. When I took a closer look my fears were confirmed - LICE! Up to that point, I knew very little about lice, nits, whatever you want to call them. I know a lot more about the little buggers now and I'm glad I do. Not only did I find out the most effective way of getting rid of them, I learned how to help keep them at bay.

"Lice" is plural for "louse". According to dictionary.com, a louse is;

noun, plural lice  [lahys]  Show IPA for 1–3, lous·es for 4.
1.
any small, wingless insect of the order Anoplura (suckinglouse)  parasitic on humans and other mammals and havingmouthparts adapted for sucking, as Pediculus humanus (bodylouse or head louse)  and Phthirius pubis (crab louse orpubic louse)

I know what you're thinking; "Lice are bugs, bugs are dirty. That Silence of the Mom must have a dirty family who never bathes or washes their hair!" I thought the same thing. Turns out that is actually far from the truth. Let me preface this by saying that lice aren't too particular, they will get their meals from whomever they can. That said, they prefer clean hair. Why? Because it is easier for them and their eggs, or nits, to grip to.

Like many first-timers dealing with lice, I ran to CVS and picked up a couple packages of over-the-counter medicated shampoos. Nix and RID are two popular ones and were both recommended by the pharmacist. I had heard of various home remedies, and I wasn't thrilled about putting those chemicals on my kids, but I didn't want to take the chance of the lice spreading any more than they already had. I have a 13 month-old and I certainly didn't want her getting them!

As soon as we got home, I followed the step-by-step instructions on the leaflet and swiftly had both kids marinading for the 10 minutes (no more, no less) that was instructed. After the timer went off and we rinsed out the gunk, I combed through their hair. It took 2 1/2 hours to comb through my daughter's hair which is incredibly thick! I expected to find a bunch of dead bugs. No such luck. Every one I found was still alive. I couldn't believe it. $20 for the recommended lice treatment and it didn't work.

After numerous treatment suggestions on my Facebook posts - everything from mayonnaise to mouthwash - I started to look into other options. I did my best to wade through all the possible treatments and advise, but started to feel extremely overwhelmed. Below is a list of things I discovered from treatment to prevention and everything in between.

**Please note, I am not a medical expert and am not telling you how to treat lice. What worked for me may not work for you. All I am doing is sharing what I found out during my family's itchy journey with lice.**
  • Expensive over-the-counter treatments don't kill live bugs. Apparently they have built up some sort of immunity to them. I won't bother wasting my time or money on those again, not to mention exposing my family to those chemicals.
  • Listerine, the original gold one, will kill every last one of those little a-holes. I didn't believe it at first, but it worked. Saturate hair with it, wrap head in plastic or put on a shower cap and leave on for at least an hour - more if possible. Rinse out in the shower and comb through hair with a nit comb. You will be amazed at the number of dead bugs you pull out.
  • You must invest in a nit comb. This is the most time consuming effective way of finding and picking out nits (nits are what we call the eggs). If you have long hair, clip it up into 4 sections and work your way through from the top to the bottom of your head, combing 1-2 inch sections at a time. Make sure you clean the comb as you go with a tissue or dip the comb in boiling water between each section. If you do find any eggs or live bugs, place the tissue in a plastic bag that can be sealed and start with a fresh tissue. 
  • Be sure to soak combs for 15 minutes in extremely hot water between each person or purchase everyone in the house their own comb.
  • Tea tree oil is to lice what kryptonite is to Superman. They hate it. Not only does it kill them it also deters them from coming back. 
  • Use shampoo and conditioner with tea tree oil in the ingredients or put a few drops in whatever brand you already have on hand. (If you add to your own shampoo, be sure to shake the bottle before using it.)
  • Coconut is also said to ward off lice. Shampoos/conditioners with that listed as the second ingredient may be more pleasing if you don't care for the smell of tea tree oil.
  • Combine 6 drops tea tree oil and 8 oz water in a spray bottle and mist your kid's hair before they go to school. You can also spray backpacks, caps, jackets etc. (Tea tree oil has a strong, unique smell. You can mask it by adding essential oils such as lavender or Eucalyptus.) 
  • If you have children with hair that is long enough to tie back, do so every morning before school, especially if you know lice is going around. 
  • You can spray a light mist of hairspray over the head. Lice don't like it. Use gel or mousse in short hair.
  • Blow-dry hair on high heat if you can handle it, or use a flat iron to run over hair. The heat kills the bugs and nits.
  • Lice don't fly or jump from person to person. They crawl from direct contact. Be sure your kids aren't sharing headphones, hats, scarves, hair brushes, pillows or anything else that touches their heads with anyone. (I just learned that my kids use headphones in computer lab - guess who will be taking their own headphones form now on?)
  • My research resulted in different opinions on the length of time a louse can live without a host body. I read anywhere from a few hours to 2 days. Eggs can apparently live for up to 10 days but they won't hatch at room temperature. Having said that, it is not necessary to bleach every inch of your home.
  • Wash all bed linens, blankets, stuffed animals etc in hot wash and tumble dry on high setting. 140 degree F will kill lice and nits.
  • Tumble dry pillows for 20 minutes on high heat.
  • Place any items that can't be washed in black garbage bags, tie tightly and leave them for 2 weeks. I would mist a little of the tea tree solution in there if you have it. Don't saturate the items, you don't want them to get moldy. 
  • Lice and nits will die if they freeze so placing smaller items (like the teddy that little Jimmy can't live without) in bags in the freezer overnight will work.
  • Vacuum the house, paying special attention to bedrooms and furniture upholstered in cloth as opposed to leather.
  • Vacuum the car, especially if it has cloth seats. Make sure you hit car seats as well. 
  • Dogs don't get head-lice. You don't have to worry about passing them back and forth between Fido and you.
  • Your children can return to school the following day, provided you treated them and you live in Florida (not sure about other states). You need to have the school nurse check them before they are allowed to return to class.
  • Back in 2010, our wonderful governor decided that children would be fine to attend school as long as their are no "crawling bugs" in their hair. They can have eggs galore, as long as there is no evidence of a live bug. ICK!
There you have it - a few tips and tricks that I picked up this week. I hope you never have to use any of them! Are you itchy yet?



Have you had to deal with lice? What treatment(s) worked for you?

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

100 Happy Days Week 5


Silence of the Mom


Each week, on Wednesday, I will open up a new blog post with my previous 7 days of happy. At the bottom you will have the opportunity to link up your blog post. Click on the "InLinkz Link-Up" button to share your blog post. This is a great way to get some exposure and discover some new blogs that might pique your interest.

Part of the success of any link-up is participation from everyone who links up. I hope you will take time to read through some, if not all of the other posts, but I ask that you please read at least the post before your own and leave a comment for them. Don't forget to grab my 100 Happy Days button to paste into your blog post!

Most of all, have fun!




Day 29 - Frozen yogurt with 
gummy bears and sour candies!


Day 30 - Building a Lego house 
with the kids!


Day 31 - Girls Night Out!
Painting and dinner!


Day 32 - Scrumptious homemade 
burger and blooming onion 
made by the hubs!


Day 33 - Bacon because....
well, it's bacon!


Day 34 - The baby having her first
Publix cookie!


Day 35 - Finding time for a moment 
of silliness while trying to eradicate 
our heads and home of lice!

Monday, April 7, 2014

My Patience, or Lack Thereof

I struggle with patience. I was not blessed with that virtue and it shows. A lot. I remember going skiing as a child and absolutely hating it with every bone in my body. I hated it because I wasn't instantly good at it. Same with tennis, and golf, piano, and violin. I lost interest almost immediately because I wasn't a pro the moment I picked up the racquet, club or instrument and I didn't have the patience to stick with it. My mother would make me continue with the lessons. I would shrug her off and roll my eyes as she tried to talk to me about having patience and sticking with it. Years later, I would get the exact same reaction from my daughter when trying to explain why she should keep going to Tae Kwon Do. Payback really is a bitch.


My impatience isn't limited to myself; it applies to everyone and everything in my life, including my children. According to numerous articles I have seen floating around the internet lately, "hurry up" and "because I said so" are two of many phrases we shouldn't say to our offspring. How else am I supposed to tell those assholes kids be quicker about putting on their shoes, getting their backpacks and getting in the car when I've already asked them nicely a gazillion times? Hissing at them to hurry up is the most effective way of getting their butts in gear and "because I said so" is a perfectly acceptable response when they ask me why they have to hurry. I am their parent, after all, and they are supposed to do what I say because I say it. They don't need another reason. Or do they?

I don't only lose my shiz when we are trying to leave the house. I catch myself snapping at my kids when we are at home, at the park, at my parent's house. Sometimes they are interrupting my blogging time. Sometimes I have been running all day and want to sit in peace for five minutes. Sometimes they are driving me crazy for no apparent reason. Sometimes they won't shut up!

I see all those other mothers, so soft-spoken and placid. Meanwhile, I'm over here trying so hard to be phlegmatic, yet I end up frustrating myself to the point of explosion - ironic, right? How do they do it? How do those mamas keep their cool, when I'm hanging on to my sanity by a thread? Are they fine with their little ones running like wild banshees through the house? Do they really enjoy listening to the rehashing of every scene in a movie the little buggers just watched? Does the incessant bickering back-and-forth over everything really not phase them?

I try to remind myself they are children, they don't know any better. My undeserved wrath is a result of me getting a crappy night's sleep, stressing about bills or letting a whining baby get the better of me. Sometimes I recognize what is about to happen moments before it does. Other times I just feel like shit for making them feel bad when I see "that look" roll across their faces. You know the look. The "I'm not sure what I did but it must have been bad because Mommy is really mad at me" look. God that kills me every single time. I instantly try to make it up to them, backpedaling my way out of the hole I just threw myself in, head-first.

I wonder if those other mothers, the tolerant, tranquil ones, ever see that look. I doubt it. They don't snap at their children like I do. They have probably never wished they could eat their words as soon as they fly out of their mouths. Those "perfect moms" have the patience that I lack. I try and try to be more stoic, but my impatience always gets the better of me. For now, I will have to consider myself a "work in progress" and do the best I can.

We can't all be perfect, right?



Sunday, April 6, 2014

Sunday Confessions - Time

It's Sunday - you know what that means! Not only is it the return of Game Of Thrones tonight, but it's also Sunday Confessions over at More Than Cheese and Beer.  This week's topic is "Time".


  MoreThanCheeseandBeer

Time scares the shit out of me, especially when I think about my children. I immediately think of how fast it is ticking by. I reminisce back to the days I found out I was pregnant with my first, second and third. Each filled with a different rush of emotions and very different times in my life. 


I remember with fondness the day I found out I was pregnant with my first, my daughter who is now 8. Her father and I had been married for just over a year and had decided 3 months earlier to start trying. I finished my pack of pills that June and by September I was pregnant. I screamed "Pregnant!!! We're pregnant!!!" down the stairs of our tiny 1920's Mediterranean-style, 2 bedroom townhouse. My husband ran to the bottom of the stairs and looked up at me with such excitement. We called our families immediately and told them. We couldn't contain our excitement.

When our daughter was 6 months old I woke up early one morning and took a pregnancy test. I was over a week late which never happened. Sure enough, I was pregnant. I walked into our bedroom, daughter on one hip, test in the other hand and woke my husband up with the words "we need to talk". He looked up through bleary eyes and, when he realized what he was looking at, his face broke out into the biggest smile. I was not as amused. I was terrified. I hadn't shed all the baby weight from our daughter. We weren't in a position financially to have another child. I wouldn't change it now for all the tea in China. He is my buddy and I couldn't imagine him not being here. 

My ex and I made it work, for a while. I think the strain of it all had a lot to do with our marriage ending. When our son was 1 year old, my husband moved out. We we officially divorced almost 2 years later. Shortly after my divorce, I met my current husband. (I hate the term "current husband". Makes it sound like there are going to be others. There aren't going to be others.) 

Almost 2 years ago the hubs had back surgery. He ruptured L5-S1 on Memorial Day and within 2 weeks he was under the knife. 1 week after his surgery I found out I was pregnant. I had been on the pill but some medication I had been taken interfered with the effectiveness of it. When I told the hubs we were on our way to his follow-up appointment. I had known since the night before but wasn't sure how to break it to him. This wasn't exactly optimal timing. We had discussed the possibility of having a baby "sometime down the road" but certainly not now. 

A few days later we were laying in bed talking about it and I was filled with gut-wrenching fear and heartbreak. The hubs was full of doom and gloom. "What if we both got laid off from work (we worked for the same company)? We would be homeless with a newborn and 4 other kids (he has 2 from a previous marriage). How were we going to afford it?" Little did I know, he had stopped his pain medication cold-turkey and was going through major withdrawals. We found out later that depression and anxiety are very common side effects when coming off Dilauded. A couple days later I had my first doctor's appointment. I sent the hubs a text of the little sesame seed-sized blob on the ultrasound. I wouldn't say he was fine with it after that. I wouldn't say either of us were. Even through all the doubt and fear of the situation, we got excited, happy. Now we couldn't imagine our lives without her. 


What scares me about time is how fast it is moving. All those moments above seem like yesterday but also like they were a million lifetimes ago. Sometimes I try to slow down. I think about how my babies will only be young for a short while and I try to appreciate every moment with them. More often than not I get caught up in the daily shuffle of life. I find myself telling my children that I don't have time to play cars, or pirates, or color, or paint their nails. The truth is I do have time. I have nothing but time.

I'm scared I'm going to wake up 20 years from now and regret not doing all the things they wanted me to do. They will soon be moving up to middle-school, high-school and then (hopefully) college. They will be getting married and having kids of their own. I don't want my children to look back on their childhoods and push their own children aside because they don't think they have time. I need to make time for them. I will make time for them, because once it is gone, I won't be able to get it back.