Sunday, January 26, 2014

Reconciliation

I wanted to contribute to More Than Cheese and Beer's Sunday Confessions this week. The topic is Reconciliation. Since Wednesday, I have been searching every inch of my brain for an entertaining story. Some wild fight/argument that I got into with someone that had a big dramatic reconciliation at the end of it.

I thought, and thought and thought.

Crickets...

Well, shit, what am I going to write about now? I have to come up with something funny, witty, clever.

Still nothing.

Taps head...hellllooooo....is this thing on?

While coming out of the bathroom on Saturday - where some of my best thinking is done and biggest arguments are won (no, that isn't a euphemism) - it hit me...I don't need to reconcile with anyone else...I need to reconcile with myself.

I get such "mommy-guilt" for the things I do, don't do, say, don't say etc, on a daily basis.  I actually wrote an apology to my babies, saying sorry for all the things I don't do, should do, could do better.


That is all well and good, but what about all the things I do get right? I provide them with a safe home, good food, toys, clothes, unconditional love (even when they irritate me). We laugh, we sing, we dance. We snuggle, I sing to them at night, we read together. They come to me when something is upsetting them and we work out a solution. I hug them and kiss them. I surprise them at school for lunch. I try my hardest to follow-through when I've told them we'll go somewhere or do something.



They may get mad at me for sending them to bed early, taking away their Legos or Barbies or not letting them have dessert when they are misbehaving, but they know they are loved. That's a lot more than some of the children in this world can say.

I'm not sure if I will ever totally get rid of that "mommy-guilt". I'm not sure I'll ever fully reconcile all of this within myself. But I am trying.

And that's half the battle.


6 comments:

  1. I have to reconcile with myself. But for different reasons.

    I think Mommy-Guilt might be a sign that you're actually trying. People who think they do everything right, don't question themselves, and don't wonder if what they're doing isn't enough frighten me.

    Thanks for joining this week! I'm so glad to have you!

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    1. Thanks - I'm glad I joined this week! I wanted to last week but we had friends in town with their kids and there was barely any time for anything!

      I think we all have something to reconcile within ourselves. I know I have more than one. This just came to me easier for writing about!

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  2. That's the narcissistic mom...the ones that don't question their choices. They think what they day goes and that since they are the mom, they are right. Not always true. Us moms are not always right. And not wrong by trying to do what best and what we think is right. But i(it's jmo), i will nvr use the "because i said so" with no explanation. I just think it's warranted. They are people too...them kids. I've learned more from my kids and raising them than my own mom taught me...because "she"..."was always right" i never had a voice...unless it was arguing to get to be heard. Idk where I'm going with this lol...but very good read.

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    1. For the most part I do agree about not using the "because I said so" thing. I'm not saying I've never used it, but I try not to. They do deserve an explanation about most things. Sometimes it is just because I said so! ;-)

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  3. We all have mommy guilt. I think it's natural to question yourself. If you think you're doing a perfect job, then something's wrong.

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    1. I agree. No one is perfect and to err is human. My struggle is accepting that and getting over it. We're all doing the best we can!

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