Saturday, December 14, 2013

Where Did I Put Those Cookies?

Did you ever have a random stranger touch your belly while you were pregnant and tell you that you looked HUGE? Or ask if you were sure you weren't having twins? Or inquire as to how many centimeters dilated you were because you obviously look like you're about to go into labor at any moment? (Yes, really. Thanks for that one cashier at Fresh MarketAs far as I know, zero. Would you like to check for me?) How about all of the above? Yep, that would be me.

What is it about pregnant women that makes people think they don't have to, well, think, before they speak? When someone tells me that I look like the Goodyear blimp and like I'm about to pop any day, that's rude. You wouldn't walk up to a non-pregnant person and say "DAMN! You're really packing on the pounds!!! Are you sure you should eat that?" Unless you were raised in the jungle by wolves you know that there are some places you just don't go.

When I was pregnant with my first I was at Publix. I had beer and cola in the shopping cart for my (ex) husband. Some lady walked up to me and proceeded to lecture me on the dangers of drinking alcohol and soda while pregnant. Seriously, do I look like the kind of person who drinks beer while I'm pregnant? Oh great, I look like the kind of person who drinks beer while she's pregnant! Well, at least she knows I'm pregnant and doesn't assume I just have a beer gut!

It isn't just strangers. Family members and friends do it too. "Now you're going to have to watch what you eat so you don't gain too much weight...how are you doing with your weight gain this time, dear...holy moly, are you sure they got the due date right...how much have you gained this time...I only gained 15 lbs with mine...I was in my pre-pregnancy clothes 3 weeks after I had her." I would just smile and nod as my eyes glazed over and I ate another helping of fries. After all, I'm pregnant. I can eat whatever I want and how much of it I want! All the weight is in my belly. I'm all baby!

Don't think it stops after the baby arrives. Then you just have people telling you what you should and shouldn't eat to help lose the weight. I'm breastfeeding.  I need to keep my calorie intake high so I can nourish my child. I absolutely need the WHOLE steak AND extra potatoes!! Or what kind of exercise routine you should be doing. Don't you dare use the "E" word around me!! How am I supposed to exercise when I have a newborn permanently attached to my boobs?

So now here I am with a 5 1/2 month old and still not back in my pre-pregnancy clothes. Unless you count the stretched out yoga pants. I mean, they are technically pre-pregnancy... I've reached the point where I am totally over this post baby body. I've lost a good amount of the weight but the saggy tummy and jiggly thighs are getting old. Am I being unrealistic in my goals? It did take 9 months to put the weight on...or is that just another excuse I tell myself to justify not having to workout more than once every month or so?

So what, I suppose you think I shouldn't have had those extra slices of cake...or that ice-cream (almost) every night...or those spicy chicken wing lunches...or the deli potato wedges with my otherwise healthy wrap...or the leftover tater tots from my kids plates. Geez...next you're going to tell me I wasn't all baby and that I should have listed to some of that unsolicited advice after all. Well as far as I'm concerned, unsolicited advice is just plain rude!

Where did I put those cookies?

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