Saturday, December 14, 2013

Is Watching Porn Something Boys Just Do?

Some recent Facebook banter between a friend and his friends on a picture that he posted got me thinking about something that gets many people a little hot under the collar. I'm talking about porn. Yep, I said it. Sex has been around as long as people have been around, and I'm pretty sure the early humans had their version of modern day porn. Obviously not on computers, tv's or mobile devices, but I'm sure some of those caves were rocking much the same as many apartments and houses do these days.

The picture was of a full face mask with a small cone shaped object protruding out the front. A friend of his commented that it looked like a butt plug and I asked how he knew hat a butt plug was. The response was something along the lines of "we're boys. We watch a lot of porn. It's just what we do." Was he joking? Maybe, maybe not. But that is a common conception - that boys watch a lot of porn. If that's true, if it is "just how it is", then why do so many of these boys deny and/or hide it, what is the obsession with it and why do most girlfriends/wives/significant others get their panties in a wad just thinking about their men watching porn?

I am not, in any way, shape or form, passing judgement on anyone for their preferences on pornographic material. Like it? Fine. Don't like it? Fine. Unless you are watching things involving children or animals. In that case, judgement is passed and you need help. Seriously. Especially if it is children.

(I should also note that I'm not getting into the psychology behind why people feel they need to watch it and aren't just happy enough with themselves or their partner. I'm also not going into the whole porn addiction thing. In order to become addicted to something, one has to try it, in which case it probably started out as one of the following scenarios.)

From what I can gather, there are a few basic types of porn watchers. We have the single guy or gal who enjoys it, possibly due to the lack of real life partner. We have the couple who watches it together. And we have the couple in which one, or both, watch it, but do so in secret, lying to their significant other about it.

The first two scenarios, for the most part, are not an issue. If you're single and don't have anyone else's feelings to consider, or if you're in a relationship and it is something you enjoy with each other, so be it.

The third scenario, however, is a MAJOR problem. So why do people feel they need to lie about watching porn? Obviously it isn't socially acceptable, in many circles, to admit that watching other people have sex, especially some of the weird shit in porn movies, is something you like to do. It is private, just as regular vanilla sex (thank you, Christian Gray) in your bedroom with your spouse is. You don't broadcast that, so why broadcast that you watch porn. The real question is, why would you hide it from your significant other? The one person you should be able to trust with anything and everything?

If you feel a need to hide it then you probably know they would have a problem with it. Why continue doing something you know would ultimately cause a problem between you? What is it about porn that will allow people to risk their entire relationship for a few minutes of imaginary pleasure?

We all know that a relationship based on, or swimming in, lies is not a healthy one. It really doesn't matter what the lie is - carrying on a conversation with someone that you wouldn't want your spouse to know about, secretly smoking cigarettes or watching porn - a lie is a lie.

Some people consider porn watching to be a form of cheating. I both agree and disagree with that. In
my opinion, it depends on whether or not the other person knows about it. If your wife knows you
watch it and doesn't care, no big problem. If you hide it from your wife, and lie about it when
questioned, then yes, I feel that is a form of cheating. It is much the same as texting or emailing with someone and deleting the evidence. There may not be any physical contact, but you are doing something that you don't want your spouse to know about. That is cheating.

The way I look at it, if someone is ashamed to tell their significant other that they watch porn, it is because they themselves, think they are doing something wrong. They are embarrassed and or ashamed about it, they feel guilty about it. I would imagine it is the same way one would feel if they were were having a physical affair with someone.

I guess my question is, if porn is "no big deal" and it's just a "thing boys do", then why do so many people hide it? And why are their significant others so threatened by it? Isn't it just a guilty pleasure? A distraction? Are they afraid that the people on the computer screen will become more appealing to them?

Wouldn't it be easier to just admit it and have your significant other find a way to deal with and accept it, rather than sneaking down to the basement computer on sick days, or while they're out on a girls night?

Depends on who your significant other is, I suppose. Some people would rather not know - the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing.

What is your opinion? Would you want to know if your spouse was a habitual, or occasional porn watcher? Does it signal something wrong in the relationship, or is it just as innocent as watching football on Sundays...you know, just a thing boys do?

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