Saturday, December 14, 2013

A World Full Of Rainbows and Unicorns Who Poop Glitter

Three days from now the hubby and I will be celebrating our 1 year wedding anniversary. (It seems like A LOT longer. And I mean that in the best possible way!)  I use the term "celebrating" loosely as we have a 5 month old at home so a night out on the town or romantic weekend getaway isn't exactly in the cards for us. We met almost 4 years ago at work and have been through a lot of shit in that time.

I broke my foot. (I was on a beer run. Slipped off the curb. Totally sober. Beer survived.)  I lost my grandfather. Hubby went from loving his job to hating it. Hubby had knee surgery. I had surgery. I went from loving my job to strongly disliking it. Hubby had major back surgery. We found out I was pregnant. (During the throws of  hubby's withdrawals from dilaudid, which he was on because of his back. Think shakes, cold sweats, nausea, dehydration and crazy emotional roller coaster. Like "world is coming to an end, we're going to lose our jobs and be homeless on the streets with a newborn" type of roller coaster. That dilaudid shit is no joke. If anyone ever tells you to take it, JUST. SAY. NO!) Hubby's twins were moved across the state. We both got laid off from our jobs in March. (His crazy dilaudid-induced fears turned out not to be too far from reality.) Hubby lost his grandfather. There were some others, but I feel they are too personal to share at this time.

"So what?" you say. I know that no one has it perfect all the time, and the truth is, we have a lot of good in our lives too. We have 5 wonderful, frustrating, enjoyable, mischievous, intelligent children. Hubby was able to find a job that is allowing me to stay home for a while with the 5 month old. We have incredibly supportive families. We laugh. A lot. We have fun together, whether we're sitting around the house, running errands or out for the day with the kids. I happen to think hubby is extremely sexy and knows how to work with his hands. (Don't be perverted. I'm referring to his ability to build/fix anything from the engine in his truck, to planter boxes, to the sprinklers to kid's toys.)

We also frustrate the hell out of each other. Hubby snores. I leave the kitchen cabinets open. Hubby whistles, which is both endearing and annoying. (I used to hear him whistling his way around our old place of employment and it would make me smile. But it quickly loses its charm being stuck in a car for 5 hours, whistling all the way.) I forget to replenish the toilet paper. Hubby wants to talk about any issues that may arise as soon as they do. I want time to mull them over, figure out what I'm feeling and whether or not it is worth the argument/discussion. Hubby forgets to take out the trash. I forget to restock the diaper bag.

That said, I wouldn't change a single thing about him. Not one. Not even the whistling. There are a lot of people who "brag" about how amazing their spouse is. How in love with each other they are. How they are so perfect, and happy and giddy and live in a world full of rainbows and unicorns who poop glitter. I'm calling bullshit. There isn't a single person on earth who has a perfect life, perfect spouse, perfect kid(s). People die, lose jobs, break bones, have surgeries. Spouses forget to do laundry, forget an important date, say things that are hurtful. Kids argue, throw fits, lie and make us crazy. It isn't about the specific things that happen in our lives that define us, but rather how we handle them and what we learn from them.

Sometimes the differences between two people eventually pull them apart. There are certain basic fundamentals that have to be in place. You have to have similar morals, you have to have similar goals in life. You can't have one person who is an extremely motivated, hard worker and one who is happy to coast through life taking what they can from other people. If one person feels they are being held back they will eventually come to resent the other. Resent is not a healthy building block for an relationship. There has to be trust. Sometimes trust is broken. Depending on the severity and the situation, sometimes that trust can be earned back, sometimes not. A successful partnership takes both parties being completely and equally committed.

When I look back on the past 4 years and all the ups and downs, the one thing that stands out the most is the unconditional love and support we have given each other through all of it. We've been discouraged and disheartened, yet found a way to encourage and inspire each other.  We've been heartbroken and pessimistic, yet found a way to bring back joy and enthusiasm. We have been distrustful and fearful, yet found a way to believe and be confident.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that life isn't always easy. After almost 4 years together and 1 year of marriage, I can honestly say, without a shadow of doubt anywhere in my mind, there is no one I would rather go through this journey with. Unless he's snoring...then it is questionable...

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